The Moments Between Page 12

  I couldn’t stop thinking about Ben and O’Malley’s Pub. It was a place we frequented after we were first married, playing darts every time we went.

  I could still feel Ben’s arms around me, as he taught me the proper form to throw a dart while the jukebox played oldies in the background.

  Sudden tears threatened to flow. I involuntarily fondled the wedding rings around my finger.

  Not wanting Jonathan to see my emotions, I rushed to the back of the bar to where the bathroom was. I twisted the doorknob and it was locked. A metal sign on the door in front of me read: Chicks. I looked over at the men’s bathroom door sign and saw one that read: Chick Magnets. I wanted to laugh but there was no humor inside me. Shortly after, two girls came out together, laughing. I could overhear them talking about a group of guys that had been hitting on them all night. After they passed me, I opened the heavy wooden door and walked into the bathroom, locking it behind me. The overpowering odor of urine and perfume nearly knocked me over. I stepped carefully over the wet toilet paper, strewn all over the floor. I looked at the toilet and I decided to avoid it. It had seen better days.

  I walked over to the sink, looked at myself in the discolored mirror and sighed. There were dark circles under both of my eyes, and my skin was pale from lack of solid sleep. I turned on the water, took two handfuls of it and splashed my face.

  When I came back out, Jonathan was standing by the door with two tequila shots, two lemon wedges and giant grin.

  I shook my head no and he nodded his yes. In the end, he won. I sprinkled salt on my hand and turned up the shot glass. The warm sensation of liquor went down my throat. I quickly bit the lemon to combat the bitter taste, as a couple of onlookers cheered.

  Four Jose Cuervo shots later, we were both feeling the effects of the alcohol …and Jonathan was ready to go home. He had to work tomorrow.

  We stepped out of the bar into a beautiful night. The stars were out and the air was warm.

  Jonathan stopped and looked up at the night sky.

  “Remember when we used to stargaze?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I do. Some of my best childhood memories,” I answered softly.

  We looked at each other for a moment, wanting to say more. We were interrupted by a group of drunk guys, laughing as they pushed their way past us.

  The moment over, we walked arm in arm, back to his apartment building.

  Chapter 11

  The alcohol made its way through me, spreading slowly, limb to limb, disconnecting my thoughts. The longer we walked, the more it seemed to be affecting me.

  By the time we reached Jonathan’s apartment building, I was barely able to climb the stairs, my gait unsteady. We walked into Jonathan’s place just after midnight, and he showed me where the bathroom was; nature was calling.

  Coming out, I ran straight into the door jam, the world spinning around me. My thoughts, clustered and confused.

  Jonathan walked out of the kitchen with a glass of water.

  “Drink this,” he said as he handed it to me.

  “I’m really drunk,” I said, slurring my words.

  “I noticed.” He laughed. “Looks like you’ll be staying here tonight.”

  He went to the closet and came back with some blankets and a pillow, and settled me on the couch as my head began to spin even more.

  “Ben. He doesn’t know I’m not coming home,” I whispered, trying to clear my head.

  “I’ll call him for you. Don’t worry.” Jonathan’s tone, gentle. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  He kissed me on the top of my head and disappeared out of sight

  I could hear him from another room. He was on the phone with Ben, talking in a hushed tone, assuring him that I was alright. I listened for just a moment before sleep overtook me.

  A beeping sound woke me from a deep slumber. I stirred, not wanting to wake up. My body, stiff and uncomfortable. My eyes flitted, not wanting to open. When I finally did, bright sunlight burned them and I coughed, my tongue feeling like dry cotton. I looked through hazy eyes, images blurry, for several minutes.

  The inside of the apartment was quiet, but I could hear some rowdy students outside the window.

  I needed to get up.

  I sat up too quickly and my head began to throb in response.

  I stumbled to the bathroom to rinse my mouth and face. When I came out, I realized Jonathan wasn’t home. I glanced at the clock. It was nearly eleven o’clock already. Jonathan had probably left for work hours ago.

  I looked around at his apartment for the first time. The couch where I had slept sat facing two large windows that looked out over the parking lot where I had left my car last night. Adjacent to the couch sat a small dining table with two chairs. The kitchen was a galley style and had been updated with modern stainless-steel appliances and cabinets. Along the far wall, there was a television, flanked by bookshelves filled with almost as many books as I had seen his office yesterday.

  I went over to the window and looked out. There was no sign of the rowdy students I had heard earlier. The window ledge caught my eye and I saw the culprit of the beeping sound that had awoken me. It was coming from a Bluetooth speaker, still beeping. I pushed the button on the front of it and the sound stopped.

  My head still throbbing, I walked back over to the couch to fold the blankets that I had slept on. I glanced at the side table and saw a note with my name on it.

  It was a handwritten note from Jonathan. I sat down on the couch and opened it right away.

  Dear Claire,

  After you fell asleep last night, I stayed awake all night and thought about what you confided in me about the unusual dream that you’ve had about Ben. I wish that I could’ve helped you more, but when dealing with these types of phenomena, it’s almost impossible to predict what is going to happen. Even with all the research that has been done, psychic phenomena are poorly understood.

  If it is just a dream, then no big deal, but if it’s not, there’s something you need to know.

  There is a phenomenon called The Butterfly Effect. It’s the conceptual belief that everything affects everything.

  I will say it again. Everything affects everything.

  I am telling you this because I want you to be careful. I know that sounds crazy, but you have to trust me. There’ve been studies to prove that something as small as the flap of a butterfly’s wing could change the course of history, hence the name.

  My concern is if you try to change something from the dream, like Ben’s death, it could have disastrous effects.

  Claire, you’re in reactive mode. You are basing your feelings and reactions to life right now on the dream. It’s affecting how you look at the world, and I just don’t want you to do something that could lead to something even worse. I know that’s hard to imagine but it’s true. There are worse things. Just stay out of it and let things happen the way they are going to. I know that’s hard advice to hear because it’s hard for me to give it.

  There are all kinds of ways to win, and sometimes when you think you’ve lost, you’ve actually won. So, don’t give up on yourself. No matter what happens with Ben. You’ve still got a lot of life to live and a future in front of you. Nobody makes you, you. They just add or they take away. You are still the best part of your life, sis, and I’m proud of the woman that you’ve become.

  I love you and I am really glad you came to see me.

  Call me if you need me!

  Love,

  Jonathan

  Four hours later I was sitting in front of the boys’ school waiting for them to dismissed for the day. The late afternoon sun seemed dimmer than usual. Maybe affected, by my still throbbing head.

  Five school buses were parked and idling in front of me in line, waiting for their passengers. Diesel fuel exhaust seeped into the vents of my car, making feel nauseated.


  I turned the car off and got out to wait, taking in a huge breath of clean air.

  As I headed up the walkway toward the school building, my phone dinged. I pulled it out and saw it was text message from Jonathan.

  “Guess who I took to lunch today?”

  “Oh my gosh, Sheila?! How did it go?” I pushed send and smiled.

  His response came in a few seconds later. “It was great. I only spilled a drink in her lap. LOL! But I think you’re right. She likes me. Thanks, Sis.”

  I texted back a heart as a wave of happiness washed over me.

  Soon groups of students began to trickle out the front door. It wasn’t long before Oliver came down the steps. Running in his direction, I met him on the last step, picked him up, wrapped my arms around him and squeezed.

  “Hi, Momma.” His voice meek, like a mouse.

  I kissed his cheeks repeatedly, relishing in the little bit of babiness still left in him. Grayson would have been mortified if I had kissed his cheek, even once, on the front steps of the school.

  “Hi, baby. How was your day?” I asked.

  Before he could answer, Grayson appeared.

  “Mom! What are you doing out of the car? Parents are supposed to wait in line!” he whined.

  Even without kissing his cheeks in front of the school, I had still managed to embarrass him, and I laughed.

  We walked together to the car, with Oliver still in my arms. He laid his head down on my shoulder as I strained under his weight. He definitely didn’t feel like a baby any more.

  On the drive home, I called Mom to invite her to dinner. We had barely seen her lately, and the boys had asked about her several times.

  The phone rang twice before she answered.

  “Hi, Mom. You have plans for dinner?” I offered immediately.

  She cleared her throat before answering. “Oh, thanks for the offer, but I’ve got plans tonight.”

  “Plans?” I questioned.

  “With friends. Why are you being so nosy?” she retorted.

  I wondered, what friends? But didn’t dare to ask.

  “Have you talked to your sister lately?” Mom asked. “She’s been acting a little strange, and frankly I’m worried about her.”

  “No, she’s too busy to talk me,” I answered bitterly, remembering our phone call yesterday.

  “Well, you should call her,” Mom pushed. “She is your sister, after all.”

  I could feel myself getting irritated.

  Mandi hadn’t even bothered to call me back after she was so rude yesterday.

  But I ended the phone call with a promise to Mom that I would call and check on Mandi.

  A promise I knew I wouldn’t keep.

  I stood at the sink, coring apples for a pie, when the door opened. I heard Ben’s footsteps behind me. I turned and saw him, his face showing slight stubble from the day.

  “How was your time with Jonathan?” he asked.

  I wondered if he was mad that I didn’t come home, but he didn’t seem to be.

  “Good. We made up for a lot of lost time,” I said, wiping my hands on a towel.

  Ben came up and kissed my cheek, sending warmth down my spine.

  “Want to grill out?” Ben asked, smiling. “I could make my famous burgers!”

  Ben’s “famous” burgers were made with shredded cheese and chopped onions mixed into the meat before grilling. And they were so huge, I could never finish a whole burger in one sitting. He always swore it was a prize-winning recipe, but what contest he entered, I had no clue.

  While I finished making the pie, he rushed upstairs to change. When he came back down, he whipped up the burgers and then went outside to light the grill. I followed with warm baked beans and sweet tea, placing them on the outdoor table. Grayson came out behind me, with paper napkins, plates, and cups.

  The grill gave off the aroma of seared meat and smoke. Ben stood shirtless over the grill, flipping the burgers over as they hissed in response. He didn’t see me watching him, my eyes filled with love.

  Thunder rumbled in the distance. A rising breeze tossed the napkins and they sailed across the yard, with the boys chasing them in laughter.

  Ben pulled the burgers off and we sat down together to eat.

  I watched as Oliver bit into a burger nearly the size of his head. Ketchup and mustard squirted out the sides and ran down his shirt. He looked at me and laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh too. I noticed he was getting freckles on his nose. I always heard that freckles were angel’s kisses, and as I looked at Oliver’s sweet face, I believed it.

  Grayson sat close to Ben, complaining to his dad.

  “I’m the only kid in my class that hasn’t lost any teeth! Even Christopher lost a tooth last week. And he’s the shortest kid in school!” Grayson’s face crinkled up in genuine frustration.

  Ben tousled his head. “Don’t worry about it! Don’t you know that the late bloomers always produced the best buds?”

  I could see by Grayson’s face he had no idea what that meant, but he nodded his head in agreement.

  Ben gave me a knowing smile, and I smiled back as the afternoon sun slowly slipped away and gave way to evening. There was more thunder in the distance, but Ben assured me it would pass.

  After we finished eating, Ben gave the boys each a glow stick, cracking them gently to reveal their fluorescent glow. As the boys ran, chasing each other with their mini light sabers over darkening grass, Ben built a fire in the fire pit. I watched as the flames ignited, dancing together slowly at first, and then all at once engulfing the wood. Crackling and spattering, in song.

  I sipped on red wine, entranced by the firelight and the sound of the boys’ laughter. Ben took a seat next to me and I sighed. I closed my eyes, willing this moment to last forever. Everything was right in the world right at this very moment.

  Then without warning a raindrop hit my cheek, followed by another. Raindrops fell, landing on my face and arms in dollops, as the sky opened up.

  Chapter 12

  I woke up just before dawn, quietly got out of bed and slipped on my robe. Ben still had a few minutes to sleep before his alarm went off, and I didn’t want to wake him.

  I tiptoed downstairs and made a pot of coffee. The aroma rich and comforting as I poured myself a cup and took it out with me onto the patio. The rain had pushed out, leaving a damp chill in the air. I tugged on my robe and pulled it closed a little more tightly.

  Night was still silencing the world, and I had my own private showing of the sunrise about to commence. I sat down on the chair with my coffee in hand and took a deep breath, as orange streaks spread through the ebony sky and the early morning song birds began their chorus. I quietly took it in the new day as it emerged.

  As the light pushed away the darkness, I thought about what Jonathan said in his letter.

  I didn’t want to live in a reactive state. If he was right about the things we focus on being drawn to us, I needed to put this dream as far behind me as I possibly could. I didn’t want to think it about it anymore.

  I mean, after all, it was only a dream. I was the only one giving it power over my life. I was putting it behind me, once and for all.

  After Ben got home from work later that day, he went upstairs to shower and change. I put the oldies station on the kitchen radio and started making dinner. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and a garden salad.

  As Otis Redding’s voice filled the kitchen, the boys came running in with offers to help cook. I pulled up two chairs to the counter and let them prep the salads.

  Oliver beamed, “I’m a big boy!” as he tossed lettuce into the salad bowls.

  I nodded. “Yes, yes you are.”

  Just as I turned back to the stove, Ben came around the corner playing an air guitar. Both of the boys started laughing. Oliver’s hand came down on the counter and turned over
the bowl of cherry tomatoes, spilling them out. They rolled across the counter and onto the floor. As Grayson got down to help clean them up, his elbow caught the plastic bowl of chopped lettuce and it flew off the counter and bounced on the floor, throwing lettuce everywhere.

  The boys looked over at me wide-eyed.

  I laughed and shrugged. They both let out a deep breath of relief.

  Ben stopped playing his air guitar and looked at the floor. “Well, that certainly gives new meaning to a tossed salad, now doesn’t it?” A roar of laughter filled the room.

  Once the salad disaster was remedied, we sat down to eat dinner. The boys were chatting on about their day, when Ben chimed into the conversation.

  “So, guess who came to see me at work today?”

  The boys bounced up and down in their seats with anticipation, saying, “Who!? Who!?”

  “Auntie Mandi!” Ben snickered.

  I looked up from my plate, feeling the blood rushing to my face.

  “What did she want?” I hissed.

  “Oh, she wanted to take me to lunch. Which of course, I said no. But boy did she cause a stir!” He laughed.

  “What happened, Ben?” I said, my voice sharp and jagged.

  “Well, she came in wearing a slinky dress and heels, you know the kind of stuff she always wears. I wasn’t in the office. I had gone down to the third floor to pick up some documents. When I got back up, every single guy in the office was waiting for me at the elevators. I was like, what is it my birthday or something? They all started commenting on the chick that was waiting for me in my office. They were elbowing me, calling me an ol’ sly dog. I was super confused until I walked into my office and saw her. I turned around and all the guys had followed me to the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of her again. I shut the door in their faces.”

  “You closed the door with Mandi in there with you?” I tried to keep my voice from shrieking.

  “Come on, Claire, let me finish the story. God, you don’t have to get jealous over this. It was funny.”